HOW hypnotherapy will help you
Most of my clients are women in South London and I can honestly say as a hypnotherapist in South London, I hear many stories from women about how they feel they’re personality, life and ambitions have been negatively influenced by men; it ranges from the minor experience of say, an assertive brother to the major trauma of violent abuse. In between these two, is where hypnotherapy clients sit. Thankfully, we are mould-able beings, otherwise hypnotherapy wouldn’t work! But being moulded into ‘lesser’ people by the male species, is a truth for many who come for hypnotherapy.
The first thing that struck me when male violence in South London came under the spotlight recently, was how much we can’t bear to use the word ‘violence’ because firstly, if we use it openly, we have to admit how vulnerable to it we are (and that would make us terrified of being outside our homes, especially when it happened in Clapham / Brixton ) and secondly, we’re scared to upset or make men uncomfortable with such a heavy, weighed accusation. In my opinion, this is a win for the patriarchy since 97% of sexual violent attacks are carried out by men and there’s currently a 2% conviction rate for rape. These figures show the truth to how vulnerable we are, especially because it happened in South London.
So what can we do? Just like white folk needing to understand racism, we need men to listen to us, not defend themselves or deny it, because we need our ‘truth’ recognised. We need to be confident, brave and assertive. We need to stop only talking to girlfriends about our safety but to men too and we cannot allow them to dismiss it as ‘a few bad apples’ or ‘but i’m not like that’ because abuse and violence goes on – even in tiny, relentless ways – every day. There also can be other changes – small but meaningful like more men taking on a woman’s surname when they marry. Why should it be a woman who loses an old identity while the man’s stays exactly the same? Perhaps, this initial act sets the stage for a lot of relationships and assumptions.
Hypnotherapy is about digging under the ‘norms’ and ‘assumptions, poking under the panic attacks, fears, stress and anxiety and finding out what is really there. The beauty about hypnotherapy is many of the tools and techniques used, means you do not have to talk about a specific event or experience. I guide you while you work on it inside your mind. If we can relax the conscious brain (the little chimp that sits on your shoulder giving you a lot of negative self-talk) and instead work with the subconscious (where the ‘better’ you, the wiser and calmer you, resides) then we can nudge change. Standing up to anyone in your life who impacts you negatively – whether that’s yourself (your inner chimp) or someone you are in a relationship with, is part of growing in self-confidence and climbing out of a self-defeating cycle of negative self-talk, zero self-belief, panic attacks, stress and anxiety. And it starts with recognising it; the man who says ‘I couldn’t help it’ or ‘but you made me do it’ to the inner voice that says ‘I drove him to it’. This is an extreme case but the minor ones matter because they are death by a thousand cuts, the ‘I’m tired, can you put the kids to bed?’ when you did it all week, or the fleeting touch of a male colleague that you did not want and is not kind or considerate but invasive because he wouldn’t touch a male colleague like that.
Standing your ground, setting boundaries and learning to quickly make decisions about what is okay or not is how you build your confidence, self-esteem and how you rid yourself of crippling self-doubt, stress and anxiety. Self-confidence is about being brave, listening to your instinct and insisting on boundaries; that includes your own negative self-talk.
Hypnotherapy helps in a way traditional therapy does but in my opinion, hypnotherapy comes to it quicker and in a less traumatic way. Firstly, I don’t always make a client talk about things if I can work with them on it without hearing the story. That way, they are not re-traumatised and I still get the results. Obviously, sometimes talking about it, is the therapy but not always. Secondly, as I go straight to the ‘seat of wisdom’ and the subconscious that is quietly running the show, I can work quicker. A typical course of hypnotherapy is six or eight sessions whereas I know clients spend months if not years in other therapies.
Hypnotherapy still has a ‘wacky’ and ‘alternative’ reputation. In one way, I understand this because we are not monitored and bound to a code of conduct or regulatory body like eg/psychotherapists. On the other hand it is unfair because i am not wacky or alternative (although I am a bit blunt) and my clients do not experience anything wacky either. Just someone (a bit blunt) helping them sort out stuff and lead a happier, more confident life. So, there’s one thing I’d like you to do. Think about the nearest and dearest and make a score out of 1 – 10 (1 being not at all and 10 being a lot) about each person and how much the raise you up; emotionally and practically. If someone is down at 1, 2 or 3 – maybe you need to talk to them about how to support you better.