Re-connecting with people you love
31 March 2021
A popular therapy technique for hypnotherapists, counsellors and pscyhotherapists for helping you work through tricky relationships, is to put an empty chair in front of you, pretend that person is sitting there, and tell them what you need to say to them. You then swap chairs, and imagine what they’d say to you. As a hypnotherapist in South London, I use it to help you shift perspective and see ‘the other side’, but also it helps because you say the stuff you haven’t said and get it off your chest. Sometimes that’s enough to not need to actually say it to the person. Hypnotherapists, counsellors and psychotherapists work a lot with clients who have unresolved issues with someone who has passed away or isn’t in their lives anymore, and it can bring a sense of closure and understanding.
But there’s another technique I love teaching at Brixton Hypnotherapy, to help them re-connect and mend relationships.
It was taught to me and my partner in Thich Nhat Hanh’s Plum Village in France and now I bring it to South London! It is called ‘Beginning Anew’ and it is my absolute go-to when my partner and I are not getting on. It resets our relationship and gets us back on track.
Step One: Is called ‘watering the flowers’ and all this is, is starting with what you love, admire and appreciate about that person.
Step Two: Is called ‘regrets’ and all this is, is telling them things you have done (big or small) that you think have hurt them and you are sorry you did.
Step Three: is called ‘hurts’ and you explain the things they did to you that caused little (or big) hurts.
There are rules to doing this! Firstly, you take turns. When it is your turn, you get to speak freely and without being interrupted. The other person must listen deeply and even if they disagree, they must not say a thing! The second rule is you use loving and kind language. You keep it guilt and blame-free and you do it from a place of compassion and wanting to make things better. You are not saying they have the same reality as you, but you are saying this is your reality, your feelings and your perspective.
Beginning Anew – is how the Sister who taught it to us called it. We bought a little book about it too that explained the process and it reminds us of the steps but ultimately, I’ve given you a very simple version without explaining much because I’ve long stopped explaining tools and techniques in detail! I decided that nobody needs the explanation if something works – it works and that is what clients want. Of course, if you want to find out more, go online (there are some YouTube videos explaining it filmed at Plum Village), and you can learn more.
It’s a great way to re-connect and if you can get into a habit of doing this every month with someone close to you, I absolutely promise it will benefit your relationship and I haven’t yet met anyone as a hypnotherapist in Brixton that doesn’t think relationships need building, strengthening and renewing. Remember, we all (however loud we are) keep ‘little hurts’ to ourselves and they build up over time into resentments. This technique airs the little hurts and stops the build-up of resentment.